Sad...

I am having a really tough time today. I feel like my whole world is coming crashing down as I sit here and write. There is a thousand pound weight on my chest and I cannot breath. I try to hold back the tears and still they fall. My head hurts.

I just want this all to end. I am ready for the stuggle to be over. The last five years have been such a challenge. I finally thought things were looking up and I was going to graduate and finally have my degree I have been trying to get for so long. Not anymore.

I am standing between a rock and a hard place with no where to escape. Maybe Monday will bring some much needed information. Maybe then I will be able to understand why things have been going this way and what to do about it. I hope.

I need help with this situation. I can no longer support the thousand pound weight all alone. I have tried and my mind and body are giving out. People all have an opinion and think they know best - but none of their ideas have helped. I am exhausted.

I am not going to give up. I just need to remember - Monday will be here soon. I have waited since August - the wait is almost over. Hopefully after the appointment, things will start to slow down. I need a breather.

hmm...just thinking

So I don't blog all that much anymore.

But today I am really just needing to vent.

I have been thinking a lot today after I got some news from T's teacher. Ya know - I my life totally isn't going has I had planned. Growing up I didn't think that I would be a single mother...and after becoming one...I didn't think that I would still be a single mother when my child started kindergarten.

Growing up we all have our life plans...mine went something like this:

I would finish high school.
Go to college.
Get a degree.
Get married at 23.
Buy a house.
Have children.
Live happily ever after.

And in that order.

Truth is - 8 years out of high school:
I'm still in college at 26.
I have no potential for a long term relationship.
I'm renting an apartment.
I had a child alone at 20.
And today its not so happily ever after....maybe tomorrow will be different.

A thought to ponder...

Why is it that we - people in general - feel compelled to buy things we don't want, with money we don't have, to impress people we don't like?

We should be spending our time, energy and money on more important endeavors.

Today - Things are going to change...

I have been sick this semester and missed several classes. I am so far behind and I am getting really nervous about catching up. So - the answer is obvious - right - just get your stuff done.

Well...I am the type of person that shuts down when they feel too overwhelmed. I stop caring and basically give up. I just watch tv or play on the computer or find anything else to do - including laundry and dishes!- to not to my homework.

Bringing me to my blog title: "Today - Things are going to change." Today is get my life back on track day. I am going to do whatever it takes to get myself caught back up tonight.

Doing so will make me feel even less overwhelmed and even more motivated tomorrow!