After Awhile...

After awhile you learn
the subtle difference
between holding a hand and chaining a soul
and you learn
that love doesn’t mean leaning
and company doesn’t always mean security.
And you begin to learn
that kisses aren’t contracts and presents aren’t promises
and you begin to accept your defeats
with your head up and your eyes ahead
with grace of a woman
not the grief of a child.
And you learn to build all your roads on today
because tomorrow’s ground is too uncertain for plans
and futures have a way
of falling down in mid-flight.
After awhile you learn
that even sunshine burns if you ask too much
so you plant your own garden
and decorate your own soul
instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers.
And you learn that you really can endure
that you really do have worth
and you learn
and you learn
with every goodbye
you learn…

by: Veronica Shaffstall

My thoughts on this quote...
This quote was given to me about 8 years ago. It was the right quote for me at the right time. Life has a way of doing that...you see...I had it hanging up in my bedroom at my parent's house from the time I was 16 and then I took it down to bring it into my new place (when I was about 20), well it never made it and completely forgot about it.
Then just yesterday...I stumbled upon it mixed in with a bunch of stuff I brought into my apt. It made me stop and think...really hard. I have been through many difficult situations in my life during the past 4-6 years. I have learned that I really am a strong woman and that I can "endure". My parents got a divorce. My sister had a baby with a jerk. I became a single mother. I went through the experience of being angry with the baby's father for leaving me hanging. I have learned to accept the situation between me and the father. My best friends both moved out of town - forcing me to meet new people...can you imagine! My sister had another baby - with another jerk - AHH men! I had to take a breake from school - a few of them actually. My sister's good friend passed away in an airplane crash and it really affected my sister - and me. My best friend lost her Grandpa and it was really hard watching her go through that. I lost my Grandpa - the only one I even knew - On May 8, 2005 (Mother's Day). I have had to take yeat ANOTHER break from school. My Grandma (the one that was married to the Grandpa that passed away)is really sick...and no one really knows how much time she has left.
[About my Grandma: You see my Grandpa passed away in May and my Grandma has been getting more and more ill. I have had many conversations with my mom about my Grandma and how she is doing. She isn't doing so good. She hasn't eaten like more than 5 meals since August and she doesn't really remember anyone. Grandma has Alzheimer's Disease and it has really gotten the better of her. I believe that this quote and that it will help me to get through the next few months (maybe years - who really knows).]
Somehow I have managed to make it through all life has been throwing my way. I am proud of everything I have overcome and I know that I will be able to make it through.
Mother Teresa said it best when she said "I know God promises not to give me more than I can handle. I just wish He didn't trust me so much."

"Are you..."

"Are you humbly greatful? Or grumbly hateful?" - Pastor Roland Smith

When I think about this quote it makes me really think. I often times tend to be the kind of person that can find just about anything to complain about. I cannot imagine that one would enjoy spending time with someone who would complain if their soup was too hot or their icecream too cold. Somewhere in the world there is always going to be someone better off and someone worse off then you.

This realy came into play for me today...with my whole tire mishaps. All I wanted to do was gripe about it. I am not saying that it wasn't a downer on my mood or anything...cuz it definately was. However, I was able to remember to thank God that I had a running car that was able to be driven into a curb so the tire could break. I also thanked God that it happened when and where it did. If it wouldn't have happened near Jodi's house...her husband would not have helped me change the tire. I also thanked God that we happened to have a spare car in town for me to drive until I get new tires. How many people can really say that. Most people have a hard time when it comes to car trouble because they have one one to turn to - let alone and extra car just sitting around.

After it is all said and done...and the day has come to a close...I can honestly say that I am glad that my tire blew (and my spare was flat - and I almost ruined it). Without all those events unfolding...I might not have ended my day so greatful to God for the smaller things in life...that I know I tend to overlook most of the time!

Priorities...

As a 24 year old single mother...I have been doing a lot of thinking. I really need to get my priorities straightened out.

On one side...
Its like I want to be a regular 24 year old - going out and having a good time. I want to be young and have fun. Go out every weekend, dance, drink, and maybe even shoot pool. I want to just let go of all my responsibilities and PARTY! I want to be like most of my friends who can just do what they want when they want becaus they want.

On the other side...
As a mother...I want to stay home and hang with Trent and just have a good time being a mommy. Its so much fun just being with him and I need to give him more of my time. I need to be the one spending weekend nights with him and not a sitter. It is so important for him at this age to have my attention.

Its a constant game of tug-a-war and I am sorry to say that lately going out has been number one on my "weekend to do list".

I need to learn how to balance my life as a single mother, a friend, and a 24 year old. The items on my list of priorities are definately going to be doing some moving around.

my day today

when I went to pick up trenton and hit the curb and blew my tired...
had to change my tire to the spare...
the spare was totally flat...
I didn't realize that until after I started driving on it...
drove on a flat to the gas station to fill it...
couldn't fill it with air...
the air just blew out the back...
then I had to take the spare off...
get it fixed...
put it back on...
I still need a tire...
GRR