After Awhile...

After awhile you learn
the subtle difference
between holding a hand and chaining a soul
and you learn
that love doesn’t mean leaning
and company doesn’t always mean security.
And you begin to learn
that kisses aren’t contracts and presents aren’t promises
and you begin to accept your defeats
with your head up and your eyes ahead
with grace of a woman
not the grief of a child.
And you learn to build all your roads on today
because tomorrow’s ground is too uncertain for plans
and futures have a way
of falling down in mid-flight.
After awhile you learn
that even sunshine burns if you ask too much
so you plant your own garden
and decorate your own soul
instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers.
And you learn that you really can endure
that you really do have worth
and you learn
and you learn
with every goodbye
you learn…

by: Veronica Shaffstall

My thoughts on this quote...
This quote was given to me about 8 years ago. It was the right quote for me at the right time. Life has a way of doing that...you see...I had it hanging up in my bedroom at my parent's house from the time I was 16 and then I took it down to bring it into my new place (when I was about 20), well it never made it and completely forgot about it.
Then just yesterday...I stumbled upon it mixed in with a bunch of stuff I brought into my apt. It made me stop and think...really hard. I have been through many difficult situations in my life during the past 4-6 years. I have learned that I really am a strong woman and that I can "endure". My parents got a divorce. My sister had a baby with a jerk. I became a single mother. I went through the experience of being angry with the baby's father for leaving me hanging. I have learned to accept the situation between me and the father. My best friends both moved out of town - forcing me to meet new people...can you imagine! My sister had another baby - with another jerk - AHH men! I had to take a breake from school - a few of them actually. My sister's good friend passed away in an airplane crash and it really affected my sister - and me. My best friend lost her Grandpa and it was really hard watching her go through that. I lost my Grandpa - the only one I even knew - On May 8, 2005 (Mother's Day). I have had to take yeat ANOTHER break from school. My Grandma (the one that was married to the Grandpa that passed away)is really sick...and no one really knows how much time she has left.
[About my Grandma: You see my Grandpa passed away in May and my Grandma has been getting more and more ill. I have had many conversations with my mom about my Grandma and how she is doing. She isn't doing so good. She hasn't eaten like more than 5 meals since August and she doesn't really remember anyone. Grandma has Alzheimer's Disease and it has really gotten the better of her. I believe that this quote and that it will help me to get through the next few months (maybe years - who really knows).]
Somehow I have managed to make it through all life has been throwing my way. I am proud of everything I have overcome and I know that I will be able to make it through.
Mother Teresa said it best when she said "I know God promises not to give me more than I can handle. I just wish He didn't trust me so much."

"Are you..."

"Are you humbly greatful? Or grumbly hateful?" - Pastor Roland Smith

When I think about this quote it makes me really think. I often times tend to be the kind of person that can find just about anything to complain about. I cannot imagine that one would enjoy spending time with someone who would complain if their soup was too hot or their icecream too cold. Somewhere in the world there is always going to be someone better off and someone worse off then you.

This realy came into play for me today...with my whole tire mishaps. All I wanted to do was gripe about it. I am not saying that it wasn't a downer on my mood or anything...cuz it definately was. However, I was able to remember to thank God that I had a running car that was able to be driven into a curb so the tire could break. I also thanked God that it happened when and where it did. If it wouldn't have happened near Jodi's house...her husband would not have helped me change the tire. I also thanked God that we happened to have a spare car in town for me to drive until I get new tires. How many people can really say that. Most people have a hard time when it comes to car trouble because they have one one to turn to - let alone and extra car just sitting around.

After it is all said and done...and the day has come to a close...I can honestly say that I am glad that my tire blew (and my spare was flat - and I almost ruined it). Without all those events unfolding...I might not have ended my day so greatful to God for the smaller things in life...that I know I tend to overlook most of the time!

The Man in the Glass

The Man in the Glass
When you get what you want in your struggle for self
And the world makes you king for a day,
Just go to the mirror and look at yourself
And see what that man has to say.

For it isn’t your father or mother or wife
Whose judgment upon you must pass.
The fellow whose verdict counts most in your life
Is the one staring back from the glass.

You may be like Jack Horner and chisel a plum
And think you’re a wonderful guy.
But the man in the glass says you’re only a bum
If you can’t look him straight in the eye.

He’s the fellow to please – never mind all the rest,
For he’s with you clear to the end.
And you’ve passed your most dangerous, difficult test
If the man in the glass is your friend

You may fool the whole word down the pathway of years
And get pats on the back as you pass.
But your final reward will be heartache and tears
If you’ve cheated the man in the glass.
~Anonymous

This past weekend I attended two wedding dances for people from my high school. Needless to say - I saw a bunch of people from high school this weekend. It is always a challenge for me to see these people. I never felt like I really fit in. High school was a real trying time in my life. I realize now that I was/am just as much to blame for excluding myself. I see my old classmates now and its amazing that I can talk to some of them. I always felt so intimidated and not worthy. I know so much more now. I guess that is part of growing up and getting older.
The reason for the poem: I was looking through my senior yearbook - counting all the people that have gotten married and whatnot - and this poem was within the front cover. I remember putting it there years ago. I put it there to remind myself - everytime I look at that yearbook - to let it go. I don't want to look back and harbor any harsh feelings towards the select few that tried hard to make my life miserable. (Side note: These people know who they are...and chances are if you are reading this I kept in touch with you and you are not one of these people.)
It doesn't matter what people thought about me or think about me today. What does matter is what I think about me.
Some time ago I came to the realization that I wasn't going anywhere so I better just get used to it.
Yes I typed that sentence correctly...take a minute and read it again if you need to...I'll wait...OK now that you are sure you understood that sentence I'll continue on. For the longest time I was my biggest enemy. In high school - I tried to beat people to the punch line. When I thought someone was going to make a comment about me I tried to beat them to it. I had learned early on that slams don't hurt so much when you are the one doing the slamming. That defense mechanism works for awhile but then you become your own biggest enemy. Now seven years later - I am finally at peace with myself and with the ones who hurt me. As for me - I am friends with myself and I love life. My life isn't perfect - but it is mine and I am cool with that. As for the ones that hurt me the most - I hope your life is as good as mine.

Thoughts on quotes

I will be doing random posts about quotes. These posts will consist of me thinking deeply about a quote that I found particularly interesting.

**This is where the Deep But Not Profound comes in!! **

Enjoy.