So...there I was...

So there I was talking to myself again (not an uncommon thing if you know me). Its amazing what kind of conversations one can have with oneself! I seem to crack myself up all the time. I was sitting there thinking about energy and the power it has...and stuff like that. I was thinking of a energy power source (you may not understand...someday you will though). Anyway...I said to myself..."You mean that swirling vortex of terror. Of course you do!" (Nemo's Dad-Marlin-says that in the movie Finding Nemo when he is talking about getting of the EAC - East Australian Current). It was sooo funny. I would say that you had to be there but I was really the only one there but it cracked me up.

It made me think of the turtle - Crush - and how cool he is. He is "A hundred and fifty dude and still young!" I hope that I am like that when I get old. I would prefer not to see 150...but who knows...stranger things have happened. I hope that I always remember this moment I had enjoying being in my own presence. It is something that many of us take for granted. The joy of being ourselves with ourselves. Many times we try to change and become something that we are not just to fit in...some of us even do that when we are around ourselves. Its crazy how uncomfortable one can be in their own skin. If people just remembered how important it is to live life in the moment. Every breath we take should be celebrated!! So as my sister would say..."Party Righteous"!

Life...rememberance, an accident and a HERO!

Ok - so one year and two days ago (January 1, 2004), my sister's friend died in an airplane crash in Montana. It has been really had for me to get over and understand. So New Year's Eve was much more emotional than I thought it was going to be. During the countdown I found myself getting less and less excited...when those LONG 10 seconds were over...it was final. The first year without Jess had just passed by. HOW INSANE. I composed myself and had a few more drinks and was more than ready to go home when the bar closed at 2am.

January 1, 2005

I wake up about 12:30pm...feeling pretty hung over. I get up and get packed for a family Christmas party. Leave town around 2ish (pm). Get on the road for the 2 hour drive. The weather was pretty awful. It was raining and freezing to my windshield. I went through two bottles of de-icer...gotta love South Dakota!

(During the drive I think about Jess and the fact that she has been gone a year. I think about her mom and hope she is doing ok.)

Approx. 3 hours later I arrive at my intended destination.

My 2 year old son, T, decides he wants to go swimming with my sister, Spanky-(12) and his cousin, J-(3) and a bunch of other family members. He goes down the big waterslide a few times with Spanky and plays in the little kids pool and goes down that slide about a million times. About an hour after he started swimming my mom asked me where T is. I look over to where he was just MOMENTS...like 2 seconds...ago. I realize that I don't know where he is. My heart sinks. I am frantically looking around the BIG pool area to see if I can catch a glimps of him. Next thing I know...Spanky says "KATIE HE IS IN THAT BIG POOL" My heart stops beating...I am thinking "my baby can't swim!" We both run towards the pool. Before I get over to the big pool from where I was standing by the baby pool (which was like 10 steps tops)...my cousin, A, (who happens to be standing next to the big pool) realizes that T can't swim. A jumps into the pool, fully clothed, and saves my baby and manages to get out of the pool before I even make it to the big pool. (30 seconds tops!)

I am in shock. I see how high up the water is on A's chest. Thoughts are just RACING through my head. The first thing I think is OH MY GOD MY BABY IS OK!! The next thing that crosses my mind was...I SWEAR...A RUINED HIS SHOES! (Leave it to a girl to worry about shoes!) I have to leave the pool area. I wasn't even able to thank Adam for his act of kindness. I couldn't speak. T seems fine but I am completely out of it. I am thinking about the "what if's". I am shaking and SO scared! My mom comes and tries to comfort me and so does my sister, S, and my aunt, J-A's mom. My mom and J leave with T...they want to get him right back into the water so he doesn't become scared of it. S leaves too...at some point and then comes back about 15-20min later with A and J.

I look at A. I just start to cry again and I give him a hug. I tell him "Words cannot even begin to express the gratitude I feel towards you. Thank you just doesn't seem like enough". A said "Its ok. You don't have to cry. You would have done the same thing if you saw someone else's child. You don't need to say anything." I just hugged him and then tried to compose myself...again.

I have never been so afraid in my whole life. I almost lost my baby!

A is definatly my HERO! I am so thankful that he realized that T couldn't swim. I can't imagine life without my son!

I realize a few hours after the incident...that A had his new (a few months old) cell phone attached to his hip. It is totally ruined. I guess it is insured so he shouldn't have to buy a new one. (If for any reason he has to...I'll figure out a way to help him pay for it.) A said he would have rather saved my baby than his phone. I'm like "good call". (No pun intended!)

I know that this accident has bought so much into perspective for me. I realize, now more than ever, that I need to let go of the little things. I need to quit worrying so much. Maybe...just maybe...T learned that he is not invincible!

Merry Christmas Eve...

So the house is all decked out with Christmas decorations and every one is excited for tomorrow's gift opening.

During all this Holiday Spirit I realized that I have so much to be thankful for in my life:
*A WONDERFUL FAMILY
*AWESOME FRIENDS
*A roof over my head (with heat)
*Parents that still get along enough to celebrate Christmas together even
though they are no longer married
*The ablility to celebrate Christmas and not be shot at while doing it.

I am so looking forward to 2005. You can expect to see changes in me during my

"Simplfy in 2005"

Come back to see my success!!

Me and T's Dad

[T is my son] (Jason is T's Dad)

So today...J came and took T for his family Christmas party thingy. J and I still get along pretty well. A lot of people don't understand how we do it. We obviously liked each other enough to create a child and so we remain friends so that T can have the opportunity to know his biological father and that side of his family.

Back to today...
My friend said to me "You and J are like an ex-husband and wife that still get along." It is so weird...but its kinda true. I mean we never married or anything...but we are polite to one another and stuff. I don't know how else to explain it. People often ask me how my relationship with T's father is...until today...I didn't have an answer. Now I will just tell them what my friend said..."We're like an ex-married couple that still gets along for the child."

Its CRAZY! But its so true!

so I used to be good at this

So I don't exactly know what has happened to me. I don't know if it is the kid, the time of day that I do this, or just that I am starting to suck. I used to be funny and people would read my rambles to see what I would come up with next.

I guess maybe it is the lack of the caffeine induced, 3 AM, write a ramble that has occured on this website...nevertheless...do not fear...

I have decided to just go with the flow on this like I used to. Maybe I am afraid that more people are going to read this than ever read my rambles...

at anyrate...

I shall return. I mean really - how else are my fingers going to say buff?!?! haha

This is better than the Rambles!

So when I first started my webpage...I had a Rambles location. It was a place I used to just ramble about whatever I felt like talking about. I have decided that this format will be much more suitable for my rambles location. For those of you that are interested...I will still have my Rambles available on my website.

I really enjoy rambling. I think it is because I often have a whole bunch of stuff going on in my head and its a great way to get it all out. I don't really say anything important...but I get to talk! I don't really have a whole lot to say right now. I just wante to get this blog set up and started.

Make sure you keep coming back for more!! It will only get better from here....be prepared.